Turn your next argument
into your best conversation
We’ve all been there, when a conversation suddenly becomes a battle. But what if you had a different playbook?
These real-world techniques help you stay curious instead of defensive, and navigate conflict in a productive way. You don’t have to land on common ground to find success in conflict. Sometimes, the win is learning something new about the other person, the issue, or even yourself.
Pick one tip and try it today.
Small steps. Big changes.
Disagree Better by...
What You Say
How You Think
How You Listen
What You Do
Disagree Better by How You Speak
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Avoid name-calling or labels. "Us vs. them" goes nowhere.
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Explain your view without negative language about the other side.
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Show gratitude, thank others for sharing their perspective.
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Compliment passion, even if you disagree.
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Use “I” statements, not “you” statements.
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Commit to keeping your voice calm.
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Be passionate and respectful in sharing.
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Know when to step back respectfully if the conversation becomes unproductive or harmful.
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People are receptive when they feel respected and not attacked. Insulting and belittling people is never effective.
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“Oh, interesting! I think I disagree with you. Want to hear my perspective?”
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"Thanks for sharing, I learned something new."
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"I appreciate your passion, it’s clear you care."
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"I hear you; let me offer another angle."
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"That’s interesting – how did you come to that view?"
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"I could be wrong."
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"What I'm hearing you say is that you ..." or "It sounds like you are feeling..."
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"Can you walk me through your thinking?"
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"What experience led you to hold that belief?"
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"I respect your opinion, even though I don’t share it. Let’s keep talking."
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"I hadn’t considered that, thank you for raising it."
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"Let’s agree to disagree, but I value this conversation – and our relationship."
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Avoid assumptions about others’ motives.
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Examine the “why” behind all beliefs, including your own.
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Be curious. Lead with curiosity, not certainty
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Consider that you might be wrong, and that others can teach you.
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Your opinions are what you think, not who you are – same for the other person.
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See disagreement as growth, not identity threat.
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Think about what you have in common, especially shared values – where can you find agreement?
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Think about the bigger picture – what’s your long-term goal in this conversation or relationship?
Disagree Better by How You Listen
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Listen to understand, not just reply.
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Commit to listening more than speaking.
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Challenge yourself not to interrupt.
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Practice active listening: summarize what you heard them say before responding.
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Be mindful of your face, body language, posture while listening.
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Listen for values, not just positions or opinions.
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Learn how to improve listening through resources and courses.
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Write down three things you admire about someone you disagree with.
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Research the opposing view on an issue you hold.
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Invite someone with a different perspective to coffee or lunch.
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Share a positive story about someone you disagree with.
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Share a book or article that opened your mind.
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Send a text of appreciation after a disagreement.
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Write a thank-you note to a community leader from another party.
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Attend a cultural or religious event outside your own.
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Avoid posting divisive or inflammatory content.
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Help a neighbor, regardless of views.
Download the How-To Guide
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Essential Skills for Modern Leaders: The Power of Constructive Disagreement
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